


An Everlock Holiday Song Treasury

by ETNMystic



Category: Escape the Night (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-09-21 15:57:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 5,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17046575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ETNMystic/pseuds/ETNMystic
Summary: What do you get when you combine Everlock/ETN with the holidays? This.





	1. Bloody Christmas

**I'm Dreaming of a Bloody Christmas:**

**Kerrie:**

_I'm dreaming of a Bloody Christmas_ _._  
Just like the ones I used to know.  
Where the snow was splattered  
And we all gathered  
to hear screams from under snow.

 _I'm dreaming of a Bloody Christmas _.__  
With every citizen's rolling head.  
May your days be scary and dead.  
And may all your Christmas kills be red. 


	2. Deck the Halls (with lots of body)

**Voice Parts:**

Sally Slaughter: Soprano  
Killer Kerrie: Alto  
Lascivious Luke: Tenor  
Metalhead Mickey: Bass/Baritone

* * *

 

 **Kerrie:**  
Deck the halls with lots of body  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

 **Luke:**  
'Tis the night to do a hottie.  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

 **Mickey:**  
Don we now our blood apparel  
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la

 **Sally:**  
Kill the ancient good side carol  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la  
  
**Kerrie & Sally:**  
See the blazing guests before us  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

 **Luke & Mickey:**  
Shoot the guns and join the chorus  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

 **Kerrie & Sally:**  
Follow us in bloody measure  
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la

 **Luke & Mickey:**  
While we tell of killing pleasure  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

 **All Together in Harmony:**  
Fast away the goodness passes  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la  
Smell the fresh blood 

 **Luke:  
**And them asses

 **All Together in Harmony:**  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la  
Laugh we vicious, all together  
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la  
Heedless of the screams and weather  
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la


	3. Murder Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ships implied: RoiXTeala, RoXSafiya
> 
> CW: Small porn mention

**Colleen:**  
Dashing through the grass  
In an RV, not a sleigh  
**Manny:**  
Fabulously we go  
Laughing all the way  
**Teala:**  
We arrived at the site  
Our spirits young and bright  
**All Three:**  
What we did not know was that we,  
all three would die tonight.  
  
**All Ten of the Guests:**  
Murder bells, murder bells  
Murdered all the way  
Oh, what fun would it be to  
go home alive today, hey!  
Murder bells, murder bells  
Murdered all the way  
Oh, what fun would it be to  
go home alive today!  
  
**Matt:**  
A day or two ago  
I thought I'd take a ride  
And soon my best friend Ro  
Was seated by my side.  
**Ro:**  
Our friendship strong and firm  
Misfortune was our lots  
I thought Matt would stay dead 'til  
The Harp of Laz-a-rots!

 **Matt:** Um, Ro? That's not how you pronounce it.  
**Ro:** I had to find a way to fit it into the song, okay? And at least we get to do this together. It takes a lot of energy to come back to the land of the living.  
**Matt:** Fair enough.  
**Ro:** By the way, you wanna come to my afterlife Christmas party? I can't imagine not having my best friend there. It's easier to transport a living soul to the land of the dead than the other way around. Plus I made cookies.  
**Matt:** I wouldn't miss it for the world.  
**Ro:** Aww, Matt! That's so sweet!

**All Ten of the Guests:**  
Murder bells, murder bells  
Murdered all the way  
Oh, what fun would it be to  
go home alive today, hey!  
Murder bells, murder bells  
Murdered all the way  
Oh, what fun would it be to  
go home alive today!

**Joey:** Okay, who hasn't sung yet? Raise your hand. Uh, let's see; Nikita, Manny, JC, Roi, Safiya.  
**Ro:** What about you, Joey?  
**Joey:** Oh, I....I don't sing.  
**Nikita:** Then what the hell is "Don't Wait"? A porn compilation?  
**Joey:** That's autotuned.  
**Manny:** Your porn compilation?  
**Joey:** No, the song, you dingus!  
**JC:** I mean, Roi and I could take the next verses and Nikita and Manny could take the last one.  
**Ro:** But what about Safiya?  
**Safiya:** I can just be the soft alto undertone.   
**Ro:** But you have a nice voice. You should have a solo. It wouldn't be fair to leave you out, especially because of your lovely voice.  
**Manny:** [laughing] Bitch, you're blushing! I didn't know you had the hots for a cinnamon roll.  
**Safiya:** I don't! I......just wasn't expecting the compliment.  
**Colleen:** Okay, but what if Roi and Teala sing together? Like, that'd be adorable.  
**Teala:** I already sang.  
**Matt:** Maybe we could all just sing one word at a time?  
**Nikita:** Are you seriously trying to make this more complicated than it already is?  
**JC:** Guys, chill out. Roi and I've got the next verses.

 **JC:**  
A day or two ago  
The story I must tell  
Went out to Everlock  
And to the clowns I fell.  
**Roi:**  
Snakewoman slith'ring by  
She chose me as her prey.  
She laughed as I cried out in pain  
But then dissolved away.

 **JC:** How did you know that she dissolved away?  
**Roi:** Oh, they let you watch what happened after you died once you arrive in the afterlife. Also, Ro, why were you crying? I think I heard you say you felt guilty and "just picked someone who I hadn't worked the most with."  
**Nikita:** Roi, chill out. I already know about that and I'm not mad. I'm the Troublemaker. I would vote for myself too. 

 **All Ten of the Guests:**  
Murder bells, murder bells  
Murdered all the way  
Oh, what fun would it be to  
go home alive today, hey!  
Murder bells, murder bells  
Murdered all the way  
Oh, what fun would it be to  
go home alive today!

**Manny:**  
Now the town is red  
Go now while you're alive  
Take your friends tonight  
And go back home and thrive  
**Nikita:**  
Don't make the same mistakes  
Or dead you soon will be.  
**Colleen:**  
'Swhat happens when you go out on  
A mission with Joey!

[the next three lines are spoken simultaneously]

**Joey:**  Hey!   
**Nikita:** Bitch!  
**Manny:** My wig!

**All Ten of the Guests:**  
Murder bells, murder bells  
Murdered all the way  
Oh, what fun would it be to  
go home alive today, hey!  
Murder bells, murder bells  
Murdered all the way  
Oh, what fun would it be to  
go home alive today!

**Joey:** Phew! Glad that's over, but what the hell is Swhat?  
**Colleen:** It's a shortened form of "It's what". Duh!  
**Ro:** Guys, wait! Safiya didn't get a solo.  
**Matt:** Ro, it's okay.  
**Ro:** But it's not. It wouldn't be fair if she didn't get one like the rest of us did.  
**Nikita:** Safiya, just sing your damn solo already. I don't wanna upset your cinnamon roll girlfriend.  
**Safiya:** She's not.....my girlfriend.  
**Manny:** The bitch's face is burning red.  
**Joey:** But there's nothing left in the song for her to sing.  
**Ro:** What about the last "Oh what fun"? You know, the slow one?  
**Safiya:** Okay, fine.

**Safiya:**  
Oh, what fun would it be to  
go home......a......live to.........daaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

**Safiya:** Better?  
**Ro:** Yup. :)

 

 


	4. I Want The Harp of Lazarus for Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Matt is in the afterlife during the holidays and sings about what he wants most for Christmas.

**Ro:** [walks over to Matt who's sitting in a contemplative fashion; she sits down next to him] Hey, Matt. What's up?  
 **Matt:** Oh, hey Ro. I was just thinking about Christmas.  
 **Ro:** Have you made your list for Santa?  
 **Matt:** No need. I just sent him a letter with only one thing, what I want most.  
 **Ro:** What that? And why is there a music track playing?  
 **Matt:** Just go along with it.

 **Matt:**  
I want the Harp of Lazarus for Christmas  
Only the Harp of Lazarus will do  
Don't want Nightkiller Doll, no dinkey Wicker toy  
I want the Harp of Lazarus to play with and enjoy  
  
I want the Harp of Lazarus for Christmas  
I don't think Santa Claus will mind, do you?  
He won't have to use a dirty chimney flue  
Just bring it through the front door  
That's the easy thing to do  
  
I can see me now on Christmas morning  
Creeping down the stairs  
Oh what joy, what surprise  
When I open up my eyes  
To see the Harp, my hero, standing there  
  
I want the Harp of Lazarus for Christmas  
Only the Harp of Lazarus will do  
No artifacts, no Psychedelic Swirl-ses.  
I only like the Harp of Lazarus....es?  
And the Harp of Lazaruses like me, too!

 **Ro:** The Harp of Lazarus! Matt, that could bring us back to life! But does it work?

 **Matt:**  
Nikita says the Harp, it wouldn't work but then  
Safiya says the Harp has some magic left within

 **Ro:** Okay, then what are you gonna do if you get it?

 **Matt** [pulls Ro to a standing position and does some two-stepping and twirling with her]  
I'd play its little tune, and then you, Saf, and I  
would feel an itch and then a twitch, but then we'd be alive!  
  
I can see me now on Christmas morning  
Creeping down the stairs  
Oh what joy, what surprise  
When I open up my eyes  
To see the Harp, our hero, standing there  
  
I want the Harp of Lazarus for Christmas  
Only the Harp of Lazarus will do  
No artifacts, no Psychedelic Swirl-ses.  
I only like the Harp of Lazarus....es?  
And the Harp of Lazaruses like me, too!

[he spins Ro out and she twirls for a bit, trying to regain balance]

 **Ro:** Oh! Oh my goodness!   
 **Matt:** [rushes over to RO and helps her to a sitting position] Are you okay?  
 **Ro:** Yeah, just a....just a bit dizzy. But you really think you'll get it?  
 **Matt:** Probably not, but it's a nice thought.   
 **Ro:** But what if it only has magic for one of us?  
 **Matt:** Easy. I'd want you to use it.  
 **Ro:** [giggling] And leave my brother from another mother behind? Not a chance! But it's sweet of you to say so. :)


	5. Here We Come A-Murdering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know that the clowns are back.

**Kerrie, Sally, Luke, and Mickey in Harmony:**

Here we come a-muurdering,  
Among the leaves so green!  
Here we come a-shooting,  
So scary to be seen!

Fear and dread come to you,  
And to you death painful too,  
Carnival Master send you   
A Bad New Year,  
Carnival Master send a Bad Year!

We are not some plain beggars,  
That go from door to door!  
But we're the Killer Clown Clan,  
Whom you have seen before!

Fear and dread come to you,  
And to you death painful too,  
Carnival Master send you   
A Bad New Year,  
Carnival Master send a Bad Year!


	6. We Wish You a Bloody Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and a Scary New Year.

**Kerrie, Sally, Luke, and Mickey in Harmony:**

We wish you a Bloody Christmas  
We wish you a Bloody Christmas  
We wish you a Bloody Christmas and a Scary New Year

Cursed tidings we bring to you and your kin  
We wish you a Bloody Christmas and a Scary New Year

Now bring us some alcohol  
Now bring us some alcohol  
Now bring us some alcohol  
Now bring some out here

Cursed tidings we bring to you and your kin  
We wish you a Bloody Christmas and a Scary New Year

We won't go until we get some  
We won't go until we get some  
We won't go until we get some, so bring some out here

We won't go until we get some  
We won't go until we get some  
We won't go until we get some, so bring some out here

We won't go until we get some  
We won't go until we get some  
We won't go until we get some, so bring some out here

We won't go until we get some  
We won't go until we get some  
We won't go until we get some, so bring some out here

We won't go until we get some  
We won't go until we get some  
We won't go until we get some, so bring some out here

We won't go until we get some  
We won't go until we get some  
We won't go until we get some, so bring some out here

We won't go until we get some  
We won't go until we get some  
We won't go until we get some, so bring some out here

If you don't, then we'll have to kill you  
If you don't, then we'll have to kill you  
If you don't, then we'll have to kill you, so get some alcohol.

If you don't, then we'll have to kill you  
If you don't, then we'll have to kill you  
If you don't, then we'll have to kill you, so get some alcohol.

If you don't, then we'll have to kill you  
If you don't, then we'll have to kill you  
If you don't, then we'll have to kill you, so get some alcohol.

If you don't, then we'll have to kill you  
If you don't, then we'll have to kill you  
If you don't, then we'll have to kill you, so get some alcohol.

If you don't, then we'll have to kill you  
If you don't, then we'll have to kill you  
If you don't, then we'll have to kill you, so get some alcohol.

If you don't, then we'll have to kill you  
If you don't, then we'll have to kill you  
If you don't, then we'll have to kill you, so get some alcohol.

If you don't, then we'll have to kill you  
If you don't, then we'll have to kill you  
If you don't, then we'll have to kill you, so get some alcohol.

[stab]

 **Kerrie:** Should've brought us alcohol when you had the chance. Okay, let's raid their wine cellar.  
**Sally:** Goody!  
**Mickey:** Swell.  
**Luke:** YEET!


	7. Nuttin' On Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (CW: Masturbation, porn star mention. Nothing wrong with porn stars, though. Just not my type. Plus it was the first dating thing I thought of that Gabbie talked about).

**Manny:**  
  
Went to a bar to find a date  
Somebody bitched at me  
I just wanted to find a mate  
Somebody bitched at me.  
  
He slapped my face and threw a drink  
Wasn't gay, least I don't think  
Seems just like my love life stinks.  
Somebody bitched at me, oh.

Guess I'll be nuttin' on Christmas.  
Soon my bed sheets will be mad.  
Guess I'll be nuttin' on Christmas.  
Cuz my love life's nothing but bad.

 **Matt:** Manny!   
**Manny:** What? It's true.  
**Matt:** It's supposed to be a Christmas song about a naughty kid.  
**Manny:** Yeah, and my love life's been naughty, kid.  
**Gabbie:** You think your love life sucks? You should hear mine.  
**Manny:** Bitch, what are you doing here? You're so season 2.  
**Gabbie:** I have just as much right to be here as you do.  
**Manny:** I mean, not really, but go off, I guess.

**Gabbie:**

I once dated a porn star.  
Somebody bitched at me.  
Then a pathological liar.  
Somebody bitched at me.

One time my date shit his pants.  
One was on the 40-year plan.  
Another one I'll never stan.  
Somebody bitched at me, oh.

Guess I'll be nuttin' on Christmas.  
Soon my bed sheets will be mad.  
Guess I'll be nuttin' on Christmas.  
Cuz my love life's nothing but bad.

 **Matt:** Not you too.  
**Gabbie:** Look, I get lonely, okay?  
**Manny:** Bitch, how? With a face like yours?  
**Gabbie:** I attract psychos. I don't know why! I wish I could just attract a nice, hot guy who isn't psycho.  
**Manny:**  Well, when's your next date?I could probably help with your makeup if you want.  
**Gabbie:** *shrugs.* Eh. Why not?

**Manny & Gabbie:**

So you better find a date, whatever you do  
'Cause if you don't, I'm warning you  
You'll be nuttin' on Christmas.

 **Matt:** I'm outta here!

 


	8. Santa Daddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This should be no surprise to anyone.

**Nikita:**

Santa Daddy, slip a new wig under the tree, for me.  
I've been an awful good girl  
Santa Daddy, and hurry down the chimney tonight  
  
Santa Daddy, a new eye shadow palette too, not light blue  
I'll wait up for you, doll.  
Santa Daddy, and hurry down the chimney tonight.  
  
Think of all the fun I've missed  
Think of all the fellas that I haven't kissed  
Next year I could be somewhat good  
If you'd check off my Christmas list  
Boo doo bee doo  
  
Santa Daddy, I guess a yacht and I don't think that's  
a lot  
I've been an angel all year  
Santa Daddy, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

 **Manny:** Bitch, an angel? You are anything but.  
**Nikita:** Did I ASK for your input, Manny?  
**Manny:** No, but ya got it anyway.  
**Nikita:** Okay, but honestly, who the hell uses light-blue eyeshadow?  
**Manny:** The Jetsons?  
**Nikita:** True.

 **Nikita:**  
Santa Papi, there's one thing I really do need, to meet  
All these dragons of mine  
Santa Papi, and hurry down the chimney tonight  
  
Santa Daddy, and fill my stockings with new lipsticks, not dicks.  
Don't you dare toe the line  
Santa Daddy, and hurry down the chimney tonight  
  
Come and trim my Christmas tree  
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's  
I really do believe in you  
Let's see if you believe in me  
Boo doo bee doo  
  
Santa Daddy, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring  
With a nice dragon charm  
Santa Daddy, and hurry down the chimney tonight.

 **Manny:** What is it with you and dragons?  
**Nikita:** They're powerful.  
**Manny:** But isn't this song kinda sexist?   
**Nikita:** It's just a song. I don't actually have a sugar daddy. I buy my presents on my own.  
**Manny:** You know, Miley Cyrus did an updated version of the song.  
**Nikita:** Yeah, I don't think it's too bad. Plus sexuality can be empowering.  
**Manny:** Well, no shit.   
**Nikita:** You wanna join me on the last two lines?  
**Manny:** Oh, NOW you ask me to sing?  
**Nikita:** You didn't invite me to sing the last song with you.  
**Manny:** Fair enough.

 **Nikita & Manny:**  
Hurry down the chimney tonight.  
Hurry down the chimney tonight.

 **Manny:** Nailed it. By the way, you wanna get a holiday mani-pedi? My treat.  
**Nikita:** Yes to the mani-pedi, but if you're buying my mani-pedi, I'm buying yours.  
**Manny:** Bitch, what part of "my treat" do you not understand?  
**Nikita:** I literally just told you, I buy my own damn stuff. But since it's the holidays, I'm buying yours. And if you tell me otherwise, I will cut you. Don't test me.  
**Manny:** Whatever.


	9. Have a Gutty Bloody Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it really Christmas without a murderous clown carol?

**Kerrie:**

Have a gutty, bloody Christmas  
It's the best time of the year  
I don't know if there'll be snow  
But have somebody's ear.

 

**Luke:**  
Have a gutty, bloody Christmas  
And when you fall to the street  
Scream hello to clowns you know  
Kill everyone you meet.

 

**Sally:**  
Oh, ho, oh look it's Joe-  
y. Hung where you can see  
Somebody waits for you  
Kill her once for me.

 

**Mickey:**  
Have a gutty, bloody Christmas  
And in case you didn't hear  
Oh by muddy, have a gutty, bloody Christmas  
This year.

**High Tower & Arnold:**

(Have a gutty, bloody Christmas  
It's the best time of the year)

 

**Kerrie & Sally:**

Have a gutty, bloody Christmas  
And when you fall to the street  
Scream hello to clowns you know  
Kill everyone you meet.

 

**Mickey & Luke:**  
Oh, ho, oh look it's Joe-  
y. Hung where you can see  
Somebody waits for you  
Kill her once for me.

 

**All Six in Demonic, Drunken Harmony:**  
Have a gutty, bloody Christmas  
And in case you didn't hear  
Oh by muddy, have a gutty, bloody Christmas  
This year.

 

[all six fall into a drunken, bloody, cackling heap]


	10. Trim Up The Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Season 3 guests decide to give Everlock a little Christmas flair.

******All Ten of the Guests (as they decorate):**  
Trim up the town   
**JC:**  
with Christmas stuff  
**Roi:**  
Like jingle bells  
**Manny:**  
and tinsel fluff.  
******All Ten of the Guests:**  
Trim up the town with mistletoe   
and silver and some gold.

**JC & Roi:**  
Trim every blessed window and trim every blessed door.  
**Teala & Joey:**  
Hang up Christmas streamers  
**Nikita & Manny:**  
Then run out and get some more!  
**Ro & Safiya:**  
Hang some ribbons on the ceilings.  
**Matt & Colleen:**  
Pile confetti on the floor.

 **Ro, Safiya, Nikita, Teala, and Colleen:**  
Trim every single building and then every single tree.  
Christmas comes tomorrow.

 **** **All Ten of the Guests:**  
Trim you, trim me!  
Trim up your pets  
**Rosanna:**  
with fluffy coats  
**Colleen:**  
And winter mitts,  
**Matt:**  
and scarves of oat  
******All Ten of the Guests:**  
Trim up your manor and your barn  
With yards of sweater yarn!

 **JC & Roi:**  
Trim Everlock from head to toe in ornaments and lights  
**Teala & Joey:**  
Hang up a mile of popcorn  
**Nikita & Manny:**  
Or else we'll put up a fight!  
**Ro & Safiya:**  
Tie some bows on Fatman Slims.  
**Matt & Colleen:**  
Trim the carousel with snow.  
  
**Matt, Joey, JC, Roi, and Manny:**  
To every home in Everlock, we hope this pleases too  
Christmas comes tomorrow.  
  
******All Ten of the Guests:**  
Trim me, trim you!  
Trim up the town  
**Nikita:**  
with Christmas stuff  
**Teala:**  
Like jingle bells  
**Safiya:**  
and tinsel fluff.  
******All Ten of the Guests:**  
Trim up the town with mistletoe  
And silver and some  
[these next two lyrics are sung simultaneously]  
**Ro, Safiya, Nikita, Teala, and Colleen:**  
gold!  
**Matt, Joey, JC, Roi, and Manny:**  
Trim up the town with silver and some gold!


	11. Happy Dying Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas may be over, but that doesn't mean our favorite killer clowns are done with caroling.

**Kerrie:**  
Happy Dying Days   
 **Sally, High Tower, Hogan, Mickey, Arnold, & Luke:**  
Happy Dying Days  
 **Kerrie:**  
Happy Dying Days  
 **Sally, High Tower, Hogan, Mickey, Arnold, & Luke:**  
Happy Dying Days!  
 **Kerrie:**  
While the fun'ral bells keep ringing  
Happy Dying Days to you!

 **Sally, High Tower, Hogan, Mickey, Arnold, & Luke:**  
Happy Dying Days  
Happy Dying Days

 **Kerrie:**  
It's the murdering season  
And Killer Clowns are coming round  
Everyone's blood is red on the ground  
When these Clownies get into town  
We'll be coming round to knock you down.  
 **Sally, High Tower, Hogan, Mickey, Arnold, & Luke:**  
We'll be coming round to knock you down.

 **Kerrie:**  
It's the murdering season  
And Killer Clowns have got a knife.  
For everyone, so run for your life.   
We'll put you through a shit-ton of strife.  
We'll be coming round to knock you down.  
 **Sally, High Tower, Hogan, Mickey, Arnold, & Luke:**  
We'll be coming round to knock you down.  
  
 **Kerrie:**  
We'll have a big RV that you will see  
Where we keep troublemakers just like you.  
So say your last goodbye. You're gonna die.  
Gonna push you off the roof!

 **Kerrie:**  
It's the murdering season  
 **Sally, High Tower, Hogan, Mickey, Arnold, & Luke:  
**The murdering season!  
 **Kerrie:**  
With the stabby-stab and slittin' your throat  
Grab what you can, your money and coat  
'Cause soon we'll find you, and you will not float  
We'll be coming round to make you drown.  
 **Sally, High Tower, Hogan, Mickey, Arnold, & Luke:**  
We'll be coming round to make you drown.

 **Kerrie:**  
We'll have a big RV that you will see  
Where we keep troublemakers just like you.  
So say your last goodbye. You're gonna die.  
Gonna push you off the roof!

 **Kerrie:  
** It's the murdering season  
 **Sally, High Tower, Hogan, Mickey, Arnold, & Luke:**  
The murdering season.  
 **Kerrie:**  
With the stabby-stab and slittin' your throat  
Grab what you can, your money and coat  
'Cause soon we'll find you, and you will not float  
 **All:**  
We'll be coming round to make you  
Coming round to make you   
Coming round to make you drown.

 **Sally, High Tower, Hogan, Mickey, Arnold, & Luke:**  
Happy Dying Days!  
 **Kerrie:  
** Happy Dying Days.  
 **Sally, High Tower, Hogan, Mickey, Arnold, & Luke:**  
Happy Dying Days!  
 **Kerrie:  
** Happy Dying Days!  
 **All:**  
While the fun'ral bells keep ringing  
Happy Dying Days to you  
  
 **Sally, High Tower, Hogan, Mickey, Arnold, & Luke:**  
Happy Dying Days!  
 **Kerrie:  
** Happy Dying Days.  
 **Sally, High Tower, Hogan, Mickey, Arnold, & Luke:**  
Happy Dying Days!  
 **Kerrie:  
** Happy Dying Days!  
 **All:**  
May us Killer Clowns keep bringing  
Happy Dying Days  
To you


	12. The Twelve Days of Escapemas.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it Christmas without me parodying THIS song?

[as intro is playing]

 **Joey:** Okay, is everyone ready? Just liked we talked about. Here we go!

**Joey:**

On the first day of Escapemas, my true love gave to me

A brand new puppy Husky.

On the second day of Escapemas, my true love gave to me.

**Manny:**

Two new palettes, and an outfit designed by Gucci.

 **Joey:** No, it's a brand new puppy Husky.  
**Manny:** Maybe for your boo, but not mine.  
**Joey:** We talked about building off of each other. That's how it's done!  
**Nikita:** News flash, Joey-nius! We don't all want the same things!  
**Joey:** Whatever, let's just keep going.

**Joey:**

On the third day of Escapemas, my true love gave to me

**Rosanna:**

Three best friends [she pulls Matt, Safiya, and Joey in close], two bags of cookies, and enough heart to give for free!

 **Matt:** [giggling] Ro, you already have enough heart, and you always give it away for free.  
**Ro:** You can always give more. [proceeds to hug everyone].  
**Nikita:** Okay, if she doesn't stop being so damn sweet, I'm going to [Nikita voice] HURT SOMEONE!

**Joey:**

On the fourth day of Escapemas, my true love gave to me

**JC:**

Four dabs a dime, three fresh blunts, two tabby cats, and a trip round the world for free.

 **Ro:** Is that actually a real thing?   
**JC:** I wish. I'm not sure.  
**Nikita:** I mean, if you stow away in the baggage, it's free.   
**Matt:** How do you know that?  
**Nikita:** [quickly] Let's just move on.

**Joey:**

On the fifth day of Escapemas, my true love gave to me

**Nikita:**

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE GOLLLLLLLLLLLLDENNNNNNNNNNNNN WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS.

 **Manny:** Bitch, you are so damn extra.   
**Nikita:** Shush, you already had your moment. 

**Nikita:**

Four nail polish kits, three dresses, two pairs of gold shoes, and a night on the red carpet.

**Joey:**

On the sixth day of Escapemas, my true love gave to me

**Colleen:**

This little bitch [points to Joey]

**Nikita:**

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE GOLLLLLLLLLLLLDENNNNNNNNNNNNN WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS.

 **Colleen:** [gives Nikita a death glare] 

Four cute kittens, three lipsticks, two Jojo hair bows, and an Ariana Grande CD.

 **Joey:** Do you know how this even works, Colleen? It's supposed to be six of a thing.   
**Colleen:** Okay, fine. I revise it. Sheesh, so particular.

**Joey:**

On the seventh day of Escapemas, my true love gave to me

**Safiya:**

Seven different candles, six things of mascara----

**Nikita:**

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE GOLLLLLLLLLLLLDENNNNNNNNNNNNN WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS.

 **Safiya:** Seriously?   
**Nikita:** Don't act like you wouldn't do the same thing.

 **Safiya:** [sighs]

Four herpe-d cats, three brow pens, two questionable clothes, and a whole bag of Frankenmakeup.

**Joey:**

On the eighth day of Escapemas, my true love gave to me

**Teala:**

Eight letters a name, seven hours of sleep, six brand new pillows-----

**Nikita:**

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE GOLLLLLLLLLLLLDENNNNNNNNNNNNN WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS.

 **Teala:** Will you cut that out?  
**Nikita:** Eh, how about no?  
**Teala:** [groans]

**Teala:**

Four eps alive, three times vote, two death challenges, and a bunch of people harping on me.

 **Nikita:** We were harping on you cuz you didn't do a damn thing.  
**Colleen:** [quickly] Also you didn't kiss Roi.  
**Teala:** What?  
**Colleen:** What?

**Joey:**

On the ninth day of Escapemas, my true love gave to me

**Mortimer:**

Nine eps alive, eight artifacts, possessed at seven, six where I'm stable-----

**Nikita:**

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE GOLLLLLLLLLLLLDENNNNNNNNNNNNN WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS.

**Mortimer:**

Four curly hairs, three challenges, two clowns killed my mom, and a whack psychedelic swirl.

 **Nikita:** Boy got robbed for Escapemas. You need to break up with them.

**Joey:**

On the tenth day of Escapemas, my true love gave to me

**Matt:**

Ten eps a season, nine where I'm alive, eight artifacts, seven deaths of guests, Missed episode six---

**Nikita:**

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE GOLLLLLLLLLLLLDENNNNNNNNNNNNN WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS.

 **Matt:** You're not gonna stop doing that, are you?  
**Nikita:** Not 'til the end of the song, honey.  
**Matt:** Fair enough.

**Matt:**

Four in the family, three humans, two of my best friends, and one theory; a game theory!

 **Joey:** Again, it's six of a thing.  
**Matt:** Eh. Wasn't sure how else to say I missed Colleen's death.  
**Colleen:** Maybe by not bringing it up.

**Joey:**

On the eleventh day of Escapemas, my true love gave to me

**Roi:**

Eleven motorcycles, ten tubs of slime, nine of these cool jackets, eight daredevils, seven episodes dead, six other dead guests---

**Nikita:**

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE GOLLLLLLLLLLLLDENNNNNNNNNNNNN WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGS.

**Roi:**

Four killer clowns, dead third ep, only voted twice, and a snake woman biting my neck.

 **Joey:** Okay, look, this is the last one. So how about we each say the first thing we said and just go back down to one?  
**Nikita:** Why do YOU get to finish it?  
**Joey:** Because it's my song.

**Joey:**

On the twelfth day of Escapemas, my true love gave to me

**Calliope:**

Twelve people singing.

**Roi:**

Eleven motorcycles.

**Matt:**

Ten eps a season.

**Mortimer:**

Nine eps alive.

**Teala:**

Eight letters a name.

**Safiya:**

Seven different candles.

**Colleen:**

Six of this little bitch. [points to Joey]

 **Manny:** Oh shit. Here we go.

 **Nikita** [takes a deep breath]

**Nikita:**

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNN

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

 **Manny:** E.X.T.R.A.  
**Nikita:** Gladly so.

**JC:**

Four dabs a dime.

**Rosanna:**

Three best friends [she pulls Matt, Safiya, and Joey in close].

**Manny:**

Two new palettes.

**Joey:**

And---

**All the guests who died in season 3, plus Nikita, Matt, Calliope, and Mortimer:**

\----a way to Escape the Night!

 **Joey:** That was supposed to be my line!  
**Nikita:** Well, at least we're done. Let's go get some food.  
**Ro:** Ooh! I actually have a party going on at my house soon. There's a lot of food.   
[all of them agree and begin to leave. Nikita turns around before going.]

 **Nikita:** [shouting] I still want my five golden wigs!

 

 

 


	13. Humphrey the Demon Doggie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't judge me.

**Lucy:** Please?  
**ETNMystic:** No.  
**Lucy:** Pretty please?  
**ETNMystic:** NO!  
**Lucy:** Oh come on! The clowns got to sing so many songs. Why not the rest of us?  
**ETNMystic:** I'm not banning the others from singing. I'm just not letting you bring a dog into the studio.  
**Lucy:** But Humphrey's family. Pets are family! You've got a dog too. You should know! Plus I trained him real good just for this! He won't bite. I told him to be extra sweet just for you. Please, Mystic? PLEASE OH PLEASE CAN I SING JUST ONE SONG WITH HUMPHREY PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE??????????  
**ETNMystic:** You make a point about pets being a part of the family. *sighs.* Okay, fine! You two can do one song together for the Treasury. Just be sure he does his business before he comes into the studio.   
**Lucy:** *squeals in delight.* Great! I'm so glad you agreed. If you hadn't, I would've had to use the Collar of Control on you. I'm gonna go get him! *rushes out.*  
**ETNMystic:** Yeah, you go do that............

 **ETNMystic:** [realizes] Wait. You would've used WHAT on me?!?

* * *

**Humphrey the Demon Doggie**

**Lucy:** Hi everyone! Mystic's actually letting me do a song with my sweet pup Humphrey. You ready, boy? 

 **Humphrey:** *pants in excitement.*

 **Lucy:** Let's go-go-go!

**Lucy:**

Humphrey the Demon Doggie  
Had some fangs so sharp and white.  
And if you ever saw them   
you might not survive the night!

All of the other people  
ran away from him in fright.  
They never let poor Humphrey  
eat their faces off that night.

One night in the big graveyard,  
Lucy came to say  
"Humphrey, with your jowls so wet,  
Won't you be my demon pet?"

Then how her family loves him.  
As they all took souls with glee.  
Humphrey the Demon Doggie  
This town'll soon be history!

 **Lucy:** Take it away, boy!

 **Humphrey:** [howls the first two verses of the song, adding in a few demonic growls in between]

 **Lucy:** Isn't he just the sweetest?

**Lucy:**

One night in the big graveyard,  
Lucy came to say  
"Humphrey, with your jowls so wet,  
Won't you be my demon pet?"

Then how her family loves him.  
As they all took souls with glee.

 **Lucy:** Finish with me, boy!

**Lucy & Humphrey, with the latter howling in demonic harmony:**

Humphrey the Demon Doggie  
This town'll soon be history!  
  
This town'll soon be hi........sto......ryyyyyyyyyyyyy!

* * *

 **Lucy:** Well, how was it?   
**ETNMystic:** Well, it was......something.  
**Lucy:** Something AMAZING?  
**ETNMystic:** Sure, we'll go with that. **  
****Lucy:** *squeals.* I knew it! Oh, by the way, my daddy wanted me to tell you that he's on his way to the society sanctuary to break down the barrier and cause chaos and let the Cursed God kidnap you and make you his queen for all of eternity. Me and Humphrey are gonna go rummage for body parts now. Bye! *rushes out.*  
**ETNMystic:** Yeah, you go do that............

 **ETNMystic:** [realizes] Wait. He's on his way to do WHAT?!?

 


	14. Last Summer

**Gabbie:** Last Summer  
I gave you my heart,  
But the very next day it went to your bride.  
This year  
please don't make me fear.  
I just want a day to live life.  
  
Last Summer  
I gave you my heart,  
But the very next day it went to your bride.  
This year  
please don't make me fear.  
I just want a day to live life.

 **Cedric:** Um, you lost fair and square.   
 **Gabbie:** You couldn't have at least SEDATED me first?  
 **Cedric:** Do you really think I have the necessary equipment for that? I'm an inventor, not a surgeon.  
 **Gabbie: *huffs.***

 **Lauren:** Once bitten and hung dry  
I keep my distance,  
But you still catch my eye.  
Tell me, Vera.  
Do you recognize me?  
Well, it's been a year,  
It doesn't surprise me.  
  
 **JC:** Bloody Christmas  
I wrapped it up and sent it  
With a note saying "Let me live."  
I meant it.  
Now I know what a fool I've been,  
But if you saw me now  
I know you'd kill me again.  
  
 **Gabbie:** Last Summer  
I gave you my heart,  
But the very next day it went to your bride.  
This year  
please don't make me fear.  
I just want a day to live life.  
  
Last Summer  
I gave you my heart,  
But the very next day it went to your bride.  
This year  
please don't make me fear.  
I just want a day to live life.  
  
 **All:** Oh, oh, you killed me.  
  
 **Tana:** An icy maze.  
Friends with tired eyes.  
I'm hiding from you  
And your soul of ice.  
My God, I thought you were someone to rely on.  
Me? I guess I was just someone to turn on.  
  
 **Colleen:** Face on momma's boy, with evil in his heart.  
 **Nikita:** A man under cover, but he   
**Both:** tore me apart. Ooh, ooh.   
Now I've found a real love. You'll never fool me again.  
  
Last Summer  
I gave you my heart,  
But the very next day it went to your bride.  
This year  
please don't make me fear.  
I just want a day to live life.  
  
Last Summer  
I gave you my heart,  
But the very next day it went to your bride.  
This year  
please don't make me fear.  
I just want a day to live life.  
  
 **Colleen:** Face on momma's boy, with evil in his heart.  
 **Gabbie:** I gave you my heart.  
 **Nikita:** A man under cover, but you   
**Both:** tore him apart.  
 **Gabbie:** Maybe next year I'll have a full day to—  
I'll have a full day to live life.  
  
Live life.  
One day.  
One day.  
I'll have a full day to—  
I'll have a full day to live life.  
  
Just want one full day to return.  
I'll have a full day to—  
Hold my heart and watch it burn.  
I'll have a full day to—  
  
I'll have a full day to—  
I'll have a full day to live life.  
  
 **Lauren:** I thought I'd be here to stay.  
 **Tana:** How could you love me, but betray?  
 **Colleen:** I thought you were someone special.  
  
 **Gabbie:** Gave you my heart.

I'll have a full day to—  
I'll have a full day to—  
  
Last Summer  
I gave you my heart.  
It went to your bride.  
  
I'll have a full day to—  
I'll have a full day to—

 **Nikita:** You know, maybe next time, you could, like, not monopolize the song, honey.  
 **Gabbie:** Don't blame me, it was Mystic who thought this up.  
 **Mystic:** It fit her mostly, okay?  
 **Nikita:** *sighs.* Fine


End file.
